there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
