They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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