He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
