Non-Jews are for practice
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
