This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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