If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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