I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
