She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
