before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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