sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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