Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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