just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I currently don't understand fingers.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
