I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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