I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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