please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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