so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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