I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is my gift to your gina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
