I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
