Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
