If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
