she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
