so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
