i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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