porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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