the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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