I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
