Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
