Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
