I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
