Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
