How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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