I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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