If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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