I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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