I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
