Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
