I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
