I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
