I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
