Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
