Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
