There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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