If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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