Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
