I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
