Im at strip club and am horny
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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