You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
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