Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
