I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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