You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize