Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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