it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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