oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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