loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize