nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
