Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i now understand why vodka
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