Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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