3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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