i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dicks are not precious.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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