Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
