In America we eat man semen.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
