Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

So drunk, too bad you don't want this

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(480): View more from Arizona

oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.

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(253): View more from Washington

She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours

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(312): View more from Illinois

Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?

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(630): View more from Illinois

We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles

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(360): View more from Washington

I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.

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