Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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