I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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