I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
