I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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