so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
