Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
