I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
