she woke up with a sticky ear
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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