omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
