You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
