I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
