That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
